The ObservatorySay it without accusing
Turn something hard you need to say from accusation into an I-message — and decide when you will say it.
How it works
- What gratesWrite
- Why the you-version sticks
- Rebuild it, piece by pieceWrite
- A finished sentenceWrite
There is usually something unsaid — an irritation, a boundary, a need — that we do not bring up because we are afraid it will turn into a fight. Start by simply naming it. Who is it about, and what is it about?
Exercise in 4 steps, about 10 minutes. Doing it is part of Premium, which you try free for 7 days with no card. With Premium your answers are saved so you can pick up where you left off and look back at what you wrote.
Try PremiumThe rest of the text and the exercise are part of Premium. You try everything for 7 days with no card, and can cancel whenever you like. Sign in if you already have an account.
Why does it work?
The I-message (Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training) and Rosenberg's nonviolent communication: expressing observation, feeling and need instead of you-accusations reduces the listener's defensiveness and makes difficult conversations more constructive.
Account, your first assessment with the hexagon and one new measurement every quarter are free. The rest is part of Premium: SEK 99 a month or SEK 699 a year, VAT included.
Read more
The first weeks after infidelity
A small plan for getting through the days: your body first, someone on your side, your questions written down and the big decisions postponed.
Exercise10 minThe unsaid
Something you have wanted to say to someone has been left lying around. Here you unpack it, carefully.
Exercise10 minThe hard social choice
Four everyday scenarios where you practice answering wisely in the moment, not just afterward