The ObservatoryRepair after an argument
An argument that keeps nagging at you: take your part and make a small attempt at repair.
How it works
- The argument that nagsWrite
- Your partWrite
- A small attemptWriteChoose
Think of an argument or a tension with someone close that still nags at you. Not the worst you've been through, just something that lingers and doesn't feel finished. If you are afraid of the other person, or there is th …
Exercise in 3 steps, about 10 minutes. Doing it is part of Premium, which you try free for 7 days with no card. With Premium your answers are saved so you can pick up where you left off and look back at what you wrote.
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Why does it work?
Gottman & Levenson (1992) followed 73 couples and found that patterns in emotional expression, behavior and physiology during conflict predicted which couples later separated. The protective value of repair attempts comes from Gottman's other observational research.
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Read more
Ground rules for arguing
Couples and friends who stay together argue too — but by rules. Set yours before the next round.
Exercise13 minThe conflict ladder
An argument in five steps, from the harsh opening to the repair the next day
Exercise10 minMeeting someone else's anger
When someone is boiling over, neither logic nor counterattack helps. What helps is less exciting, and it works.