The ObservatoryGround rules for arguing
Couples and friends who stay together argue too — but by rules. Set yours before the next round.
How it works
- Why rulesChoose
- Your rulesChooseWrite
- After the matchWrite
Conflict is not the enemy of a relationship — most stable relationships contain plenty of it. What separates those that last is HOW they argue: some behaviors poison, others clear the air.
Exercise in 3 steps, about 12 minutes. Doing it is part of Premium, which you try free for 7 days with no card. With Premium your answers are saved so you can pick up where you left off and look back at what you wrote.
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Why does it work?
The four patterns (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) predict separation in Gottman's longitudinal observational studies, where contempt is the strongest single marker; successful repair attempts are the strongest protective factor. The XYZ format and taking a time-out during physiological flooding come from the same research. Observational findings — not experiments — but replicated and clinically central.
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