The ObservatoryCaring without going under
When someone you love is struggling, the line between helping and disappearing into it is razor-thin. Find it.
How it works
- Where you standWriteRate
- FOR or TOChoose
- The new boundaryWrite
Carrying someone else's problems can become a full-time job that no one gave you — and that, paradoxically, seldom helps the other person. This exercise sorts out what is yours and what never was.
Exercise in 3 steps, about 12 minutes. Doing it is part of Premium, which you try free for 7 days with no card. With Premium your answers are saved so you can pick up where you left off and look back at what you wrote.
Try PremiumThe rest of the text and the exercise are part of Premium. You try everything for 7 days with no card, and can cancel whenever you like. Sign in if you already have an account.
Why does it work?
The distinction between taking over and supportive help has solid support: autonomy-supportive help strengthens the recipient's ability, while controlling or taking-over help is linked to worse outcomes for both parties (self-determination theory; research on caregiver burden and expressed emotion). Codependency as a concept is not a clinical diagnosis — the exercise uses the researched core: boundaries and division of responsibility.
Account, your first assessment with the hexagon and one new measurement every quarter are free. The rest is part of Premium: SEK 99 a month or SEK 699 a year, VAT included.
Read more
Adult to adult with your parents
Ten minutes with family and you're fifteen again. The dance has been practiced for decades, but it only takes ONE person changing their step.
Exercise12 minThe boundary in the moment
Practice saying no in the moment, to an acquaintance, a mother-in-law and a colleague who pushes
Exercise10 minHelping without taking over
Someone you care about is struggling. The art is to support them in a way that grows their own strength, not yours.