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The Observatory
Exercise11 minSocialRationality

Your pattern in love

Secure, anxious or avoidant: the pattern you learned early comes along into love. But it is a tendency, not a verdict.

The path

How it works

  1. Three patternsChooseWrite
  2. What the pattern needsWrite
  3. In your current relationshipWrite
How we approach closeness is shaped early and shows most clearly under pressure: when a partner pulls away, when replies are slow, when an argument hangs in the air.

Exercise in 3 steps, about 11 minutes. Doing it is part of Premium, which you try free for 7 days with no card. With Premium your answers are saved so you can pick up where you left off and look back at what you wrote.

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The evidence

Why does it work?

Adult attachment (Hazan & Shaver 1987; Mikulincer & Shaver) is one of the most robust fields in relationship research: the patterns predict relationship behavior under stress. Modern findings stress that patterns are dimensional and changeable, and earned security is well documented. Self-sorting through an exercise is a rough map, not a measurement.

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